LIME » Politics

Federal “Death Squads” in Operation

Rainer — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 23:21:34 +0000

(WASHINGTON) The Federal “death squads” were released today and are now hunting for pensioners and unborn babies all across United States. The death squads are the first phase of President Obama’s healthcare reform bill that will lead to annihilation of American Way of Life™ by regulating the insurance industry and forbidding the companies to deny coverage because of pre-existing conditions or from cancelling policies when a policyholder becomes ill. The bill would also grant subsidies to help families with lower incomes to pay their premiums.

“Today’s vote allows us finally sieve and abort the non-communistic children and eliminate the elderly sucking the life out of our system”, President Obama, who placed his presidency at stake for the reform, said at the White House just before midnight while eating his placenta steak surrounded by his posse of Zionistic Masonries.

The Republicans party members and vigilant volunteers have tried to warn the oblivious citizens of the coming massacre and obliteration quoted as “Chrystal Night”, by recommending them to burn crosses dressed in white capes chanting “vade retro nigrum”, but most of the party members daring to approach the Senate were either mind controlled away or killed with mustard gas. According to the Republican media representative Mr. Fox, the Democratic controlled media has deliberately misunderstood this as calling the president as a “negger” and is claiming no knowledge of mind controlling or organized slaughter of Republicans.

OSCE, with the lead of EU countries, has followed the electoral process with similar concern as during the late 2008 elections.

More accurate news from Al Jazeera: US passes landmark healthcare bill

Corporation™ Runs for Congress

Rainer — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 01:50:39 +0000

(WASHINGTON) Following the recent US Supreme Court desicion of implicitly giving corporations the status of a legal person through granting them the right freedom of speech, aka First Amendment, by determining political funding being “kind of expressing ones freedom of speech“, as was concluded on the ruling, Corporation™ announced that “to further express it’s freedom of speech Corporation will run for congress in the upcoming elections taking democracy to next level“.
Corporation™ spokesperson backed the decision by going through the analysis they had made on the current electoral and lobby based decision making process and the results where paying for a candidate, often a non-Corporate™ person, was a non value-adding activity and also the most fragile step on the whole process. “We realised that in the long run it is more efficient and practical for us go to congress directly without using a proxy through a either of the parties. This way we can offer customised solutions for our voters, and we get synergy benefits through the existing brand awareness and marketing campaigns. We can direct the savings directly to our customers, our voters — the people” faceless Corporation™ spokesperson concludes. “We call it — the Democracy 2.0!”

More accurate news from the NYT

Islamistic Terrorist Organizations Announce Gradual Disarmament

Rainer — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 12:29:21 +0000

(GENEVE / SECRET AFGHAN CAVE) Switzerland’s “minaret election” was only a month ago and already Islamistic terrorist organizations have announced their gradual disarmament and seizing activity on the international terrorism front. On the statement by the International Coalition of Islamist Terrorism, ICIT, relayed through al-Qaida’s PR network, was said that “armed resistance is futile against direct democracy and the spread of radical Islam has now become impossible“.
ICIT statement reminds Western countries that stopping all terrorist actions suddenly would hinder the local micro-economies relying on arms and drug trade and thus “a gradual disarmament is required, but all major terrorist attack plans have been frozen”. “A good example of the gradual withdrawal is the latest “attack” on December 25th: we imposed the threat, but no-one got hurt. This seems like a win-win situation for everyone”, al-Qaida spokesperson explains what the actually gradual disarmament means in practice.
Taleban has promised to co-operate unconditionally with the newly elected government and that they have started to forge their arms into ploughshares. Hamas and Fatah on their sides stated they will now start Middle-East peace talks “for real”. Around the world people have been picking flowers with their toes and have hugged each other.

Climate Summit Reaches Conclusion

Rainer — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 14:43:01 +0000

(Never-Never-Land) The international Whether-Weather climate talks in Copenhagen has finally reached a consensus. According to the latest results the summit was a success as none of the participants was actually satisfied with the results and everyone agreed that none of the expectations were met. According to General Consensus (Pangea) “some sort of memo that may, or may not include the agreed goals, would be drafted” based on the agreement.
“We all agreed that global warming is a bad thing and caused by our actions, though natural variation can’t be completely ruled out, and this time we really need to take actions against it, though not in a way that could hinder the national economies or that would give negative impact on economic stimulus packages that are currently, or possibly in the future, tackling the global recess… sorry, economic downturn” the general secretary of UN, Ba Ki-Moon explained the results, “All countries have agreed to really-really take part to fight agains global warming this time and reach the goals that few years back were considered catastrophic, though we have not agreed on any sanctions for countries that do not comply with the Copenhagen agreement”

OSCE worried of the democracy process in US

Rainer — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 10:08:49 +0000

(MONTGOMERY) The international electoral assistant organizations are criticize the US elections from severe flaws. According to the international electoral assistants the voting process hasn’t fulfilled the criterias of democracy for the lack of ballots, malfunctioning voting machines and the insufficient amount of them per capita or too long queues.

China, Russia and Cuba have already promised assistance for the United States and support them on the process of building democracy. OSCE is already monitoring the situation and and is preparing to send electoral assistants.

Ministry of Justice introduces 2% error margin

Rainer — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 16:26:42 +0000

(DEMOKRAATTERI) After testing electronic voting, “e-voting”, in the recent municipal elections the Justice Ministry decided to introduce “error margin” of “roughly 2%” in elections to come. The introduction of the error margin came as a reaction to the e-voting pilot on which 232, roughly 2%, votes were lost due to the fact that voters didn’t know how to properly use the voting system.
“We found out that the problem wasn’t the system but human after all” Tuija Brax, the Minister or Justice, stated referring to the fact that 232 voters didn’t know hot to press the OK-button for second time after casting their votes.
The minister also stated that regardless of the mistake the election will not be re-held on the municipalities where the error occurred because “roughly 1% of voters leave a ”protest vote” such as a blank election note or vote for imaginary characters such as Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Fantom or Osmo Soininvaara”. Minister Brax also reminded that “during testing no-one though that a voter could erroneously interrupt the voting process; the e-voting system was, after all, designed by engineers”. Now the Ministry of Justice is considering also considering that “perhaps the people just aren’t qualified enough to vote”. According to the official statement from the Ministry of Justice the 2% error margin will “sufficiently address the possible issues with the e-voting system”.
The Prime Minister Vanhanen reminded that “even though an option or a choice is presented it should not be used”. On his statement to representatives of media Vanhanen said he resented everyone who voted wrong or incorrectly and is considering sanctions to prevent any such behaviour in the future. “Democracy is a right too valuable to be given to everyone” he reminded.

Double Standards

Rainer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:07:00 +0000

When a third-world country nationalises their factories or banks it’s called “socialism” or “communism” and against free trade and competition. The government gets economic sanctions and the opposition gets economic support on their fight for “free for free world”.

When US, or any other western, country nationalises a car manufacturer or a bank it’s called economic salvation and the government gets economic support on their fight for “free for free world” from the opposition.

Finland violated the Paris treaty!

Rainer — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 10:51:09 +0000

President Dmitri Medvedev of ~~Soviet Uni…~~ Federation of Russia issued a diplomatic missive for Finland early this morning as Finland violated the 1947 Paris Peace treaty.
The violation happened when the Finnish Rail Administration failed to maintain and protect a 7km long border railroad in Salla, Northern Finland, and let someone steal several hundreds of metres of railroad.
Medvedev threatened Finland immediately to rebuild the railway or ~~Soviet Un…~~ Russia will come and build it, even by force to protect it’s sovereignty from the fascistic Axis powers. ~~Soviet U…~~Russia is already training a peace keeping force to make sure the 7km long rail road will stay intact. “We do not care if the railroad hasn’t been used since 1944 — Finland has impudently violated the section of Paris treaty they forgot to dismiss in 1992. This is a matter of a principle” Medvedev stated on his missive.

Finnish Foreign Minister and the Chairman of OSCE Alexander Stubb has already agreed to travel on site to Salla and has already dismissed the treaty talks between Russia and Georgia to address this more compelling issue.

Lapland and Åland also striving for independence

Rainer — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:59:49 +0000

Finland expressed “deep concerns” regarding Kosovo’s one-sided independence declaration. Finland is a Northern European country with two different separatistic areas Åland and Lapland who both have tried to declare independence several times in the past, but the acts have so far been crushed by the efficient and well trained Finnish Army as well as fast reacting and internationally lobbing Finnish political figures.

Åland’s status was stabilized on UN mandate on 1945 after the long war and near genocide between Finland and Åland. The archaic swedish dialect speaking inhabitants of Åland who mostly live with their traditional trade of potato chips have been declared as “endangered species” by the UN. Åland also continues offering their shores as a safe haven for international ships trying to sell tax-free alcohol and tobacco.
Åland is an island in the Baltic sea with no natural resources and temperate climate.

Lapland’s efforts to declare independence have so far died on the oppression coming also from neighboring countries Sweden and Norway to whom’s areas the Lappish inhabitants have also spread. Finland, Sweden and Norway are afraid of “domino-effect” which could follow if Lapland would declare independence. “Next thing you know Jylland and Skåne declares independence as well and we didn’t conquer half of Europe several centuries ago to see our proud Svealand crumble into peaces now!” the Swedish Minister of Defense Sten Tolgfors explained.

The independence struggle of Lapland and Åland have received international attention of and are backed up by EU states such as France and Spain as well from countries such as Russia and China.

Kosovo’s Trust on herself

Rainer — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:30:28 +0000

Kosovo, who just declared herself independent, wows to stand on her feet and does not express any regrets or fears, but still hopes that EU, US, UN, IMF and World Bank, not to mention NATO, to back her up a bit. “Just a bit politically, monetarily and militarily till next week – or latest to the next decade”, explained Kosovo’s Prime Minister, and potential new President for next three-four, perhaps five terms, Hashim Thaci. “Not because we couldn’t really do it ourself. It’s just to show we’re independent and equal part of the international community“.