The Chief of Police reminds the public that even though webform that sends an email is a fast and efficient way to communicate with the police, unless the message gets stuck in a spamfilter, it is not suitable for situations where immediate police assistance is needed. In these cases people should evaluate the situation and call the police or the use the Non-Urgent Crime Form found in the police website.
He also quickly adds that neither of these forms are suitable if the reporter is a target of a crime. In those cases the victim needs to physically approach the local police station, but within the office hours, excluding weekends, public holidays, holiday season and general busy time. Non-criminal issues can be reported through another form also found on the police website, excluding urgent situations, but including non-urgent and important reports.

On the interview to CB General Public agreed on the in-depth analysis of Harrison-Stetson Institute, but also reminded that “The Olympics is on and you’re standing in front of the TV”, while quickly typing chatroulette’s address to google hoping that facebook would’ve fixed it’s login page this already. “Have you seen the latest photos of the 9-year old samba queen? She’s a bit of a crybaby but boy do I want to see her grow“, General Public concludes the analysis while wiping drool from lips.

In other news a school collapsed in Haiti killing several children and almost 20 people have been killed in a train crash outside Brussels.

A honorary mention has been granted for US president Barak Obama for publicly connecting al-Qaeda to the Christmas Day’s bomb plot. “It appears that the [bombing suspect] joined an affiliate of al-Qaeda, and that this group — al-Qaeda in the Arabic Peninsula  — trained him, equipped him with those explosives and directed him to attack that plane headed to America.“. The honorary mention was granted for publicly stating this week after al-Qaeda had announced  they were behind the plot. The interviewed al-Qaeda PR spokesperson, who wished to stay anonymous, stated that the current mood in the PR department is “quite down and people feel their communication efforts are not appreciated“.

According to the officials thousands of elves haven’t received sufficient payment for their services and Santa was only paying to them in “goods” which they had to sell or trade to feed themselves. The Officials are also investigating Father Christmas for allegations of child labor, racial discrimination and for numerous copyright infringements.

The spokesperson for the elves and the co-founder of the Secret Village, inc., Shiny Upatree, stated that the bankruptcy didn’t come as a surprise for anyone who even cared to look at the business model of Santa. “Both Bashy [Evergreen, inventor of the ToyMachine®] and me warned Santa several times that we can’t continue this way much longer. The business idea, though nice, well, it sucks — big time. You can’t just give away your products for free and expect it to work. I mean, where do we get the money for all the crap we make — not to mention licensing fees? Nowhere that’s where!, Upatree ranted, “We were first wondering where we were getting the funding from, but eventually realised that we’re living on air. At some point we were sure he was running some sort of a ponzi scheme”.

Upatree reminds that though Santaclaus may not win the entrepreneur of the year award, he never mentioned any harm to anyone and tried his best always. Upatree refused to comment why he decided to join forces with Santa if he felt the business idea was not up to par. “Even if everything fell down like a deck of cards it was rewarding to work with Santa; he loved the fanmail and took every single customer experience as his own. That was probably his demise as well: he only got good feedback so his sense of reality faded away and was replaced with illusion. He tried to please and satisfy everyone, but it’s just not possible”, Evergreen adds.

Santa Claus has withdrawn from publicity and refuses to meet members of press or give any statements. Initial hearing of the bankruptcy application is scheduled to take place on the early 2010. All deliveries and orders for this year have been frozen and Christmas has officially been cancelled. What will happen to the business of Father Christmas remains an open question.

The first occurrence happened on Monday this week when two men were able to withdraw small amount of money from different accounts using the same office as was used today. The bank and police are investigating connection between the incidences.

More accurate news from YLE

Finnish Foreign Minister and the Chairman of OSCE Alexander Stubb has already agreed to travel on site to Salla and has already dismissed the treaty talks between Russia and Georgia to address this more compelling issue.

Åland’s status was stabilized on UN mandate on 1945 after the long war and near genocide between Finland and Åland. The archaic swedish dialect speaking inhabitants of Åland who mostly live with their traditional trade of potato chips have been declared as “endangered species” by the UN. Åland also continues offering their shores as a safe haven for international ships trying to sell tax-free alcohol and tobacco.
Åland is an island in the Baltic sea with no natural resources and temperate climate.

Lapland’s efforts to declare independence have so far died on the oppression coming also from neighboring countries Sweden and Norway to whom’s areas the Lappish inhabitants have also spread. Finland, Sweden and Norway are afraid of “domino-effect” which could follow if Lapland would declare independence. “Next thing you know Jylland and Skåne declares independence as well and we didn’t conquer half of Europe several centuries ago to see our proud Svealand crumble into peaces now!” the Swedish Minister of Defense Sten Tolgfors explained.

The independence struggle of Lapland and Åland have received international attention of and are backed up by EU states such as France and Spain as well from countries such as Russia and China.