LIME Archives: Fun
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21 April 2010
Source of Earthquakes Found
(Tehran/Atlanta) Accordong to a leading Iranian hard-line cleric the source of the recent earthquakes has been found out and isolated to “Women who dress provocatively and tempt people into promiscuity [are to blame for earthquakes]“. The statement is proven true as recent earthquakes have struck especially promiscuous countries such as Haiti, Chile and China. CNN [...]
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11 April 2010
Polish President Dies in a Plane Crash
(SMOLENSK) The President of Poland, Lech Kaczynski, and a number of other leading Polish politicians, including the Poland’s army chief and commanders of ground, naval and air forces, died in a plane crash in Smolensk, Russia, near the border of Belarus on Saturday morning. The delegation was flying in from Warsaw to mark the 70th [...]
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7 April 2010
Steve Jobs Requests Raise
(CUPERTINO) After successful product launch of the iPad on last Saturday when 300 000 were devices sold on the first day, the CEO of Apple (AAPL), Steve Jobs, approached the board of directors today before the iPhone OS 4.0 special media event, requesting a raise of two times of the adjusted to the average inflation [...]
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3 April 2010
Easter Bunny Brings Religions Together
(GOLGOTHIA) Easter is one of the only common cerebration for all three religions rejoining them through Easter Bunny: The christians celebrate how the death of Easter Bunny, Jesús, makes martyrdom possible for anyone, the jewish celebrate slaughtering the Easter Bunny and the muslims celebrate how their profit Muhammed lived longer and more prosperously than Easter [...]
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3 April 2010
Billions Promised for Whole New Haiti
(UTOPIA) The UN donors conference on Wednesday promised billions to rebuild shaken Haiti. EU promised relief package of 1.2 billion euros and world’s biggest economy, United States, promised “over 850 million dollars to match EU’s offer”. Too bad the economists mixed the € and $ signs when calculating the conversion. According to UN over 8.5 [...]
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23 March 2010
Somali Pirate Chief Reveals their Business Model
(MÊLÉE ISLAND) Somali Pirate chief reveals their business model exclusively™ to LIME. The interviewed pirate chief is kept anonymous for his security “A [basic piracy] operation requires planning, money and patience. To successfully capture a ship requires more than just peg-legged men in a boat with guns and parrots on their shoulders. A minimum of [...]
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22 March 2010
Federal “Death Squads” in Operation
(WASHINGTON) The Federal “death squads” were released today and are now hunting for pensioners and unborn babies all across United States. The death squads are the first phase of President Obama’s healthcare reform bill that will lead to annihilation of American Way of Life™ by regulating the insurance industry and forbidding the companies to deny [...]
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11 March 2010
The Police — now in internet
(STING) The Gesta… Sta… Moss… Federa… Finnish Police launched today so called Red Button alert system. The goal of the system is to reduce the threshold and and to increase the reporting activity of “suspicious material” in the internet. In practice the system is a webform which allows anyone, including, but not limited to individuals, [...]
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16 February 2010
World News Still Draw General Public’s Attention
(STETSON) According to the annual research by Harrison-Stetson Institute the General Public is still quite interested of international news and current affairs. While the Finnish public was intrigued about the culture and rites of a long term French minority organization (Masonries Reveal Their Secrets in France), supporting the import of less less mainstream foreign artists [...]
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14 February 2010
Local Man Surprised of Valentines Failure
(ANYWHERE) Local Man’s Valentine’s Day surprise turned out to be a surprise for him when it didn’t get the reception he was expecting. “I had prepared the surprise carefully and took care she wouldn’t find out anything before the V-day. Just dropping hints that I had something planned”, Local Man explains, “We spent several evenings [...]