13 December 2006
Written by Jakob
Warfare
I’ve been having, let’s say, ‘issues’ with Bus Eireann lately. After one particularly infuriating evening of rain and wind, during which I spent an hour and a half outdoors due to their almost comical ineptitude, I decided to do something I very rarely do: write a letter of complaint. An angry letter.
And I feel it should be shared with the world. So here I am, sharing.
From: Jakob Ronander
To: info@buseireann.ie
Subject: Road rage
–
I screamed last night. And it wasn’t a good one. No. It wasn’t a holler of joy. It was an all-encompassing, high-pitched howl of frustration and despair. I am not a violent man, nor am I a particularly loud one, so this type of reaction is very uncommon for me. Would you like to know why I all of a sudden reacted in such a non-characteristic way? Why, let me tell you, then!
It was because you people are utter morons. Cunts. Fuckwits. Now, this might be a good time – before I start for real – to take a little time off to issue a disclaimer regarding this letter. I know you may take exception to my choice of words which you may find foul or even offensive. Well, fuck you. You are morally as well as contractually obliged to take into consideration only content. Not form. So just read on, will you? I will write whatever the fuck I want, and you will be professional and address my complaint without regard to the way I choose to express myself. I happen to work with customer service myself, so I know that I have the right to expect a courteous reply to this complaint. Now that that’s out of the way, back to my story, which you will read in full and respond to, promptly. Here goes:
I got to the bus stop by Apple computers in Hollyhill, Cork around 5.35pm last night, to take the bus into town. The bus stop was fairly full of people, so I can’t have missed the bus that was due to leave at – that’s right – 5.35pm. When this bus was not forthcoming, I walked (in the gale and pouring rain) to the bus stop down by the Statoil station down the road (I wanted to get cigarettes, see?). I had my friend keep an eye out for the bus whilst I went in to buy my fags. No bus, and so we waited at the bus stop by the petrol station. Time went by. Aeons. At around 6 o’clock, I started getting a tiny bit pissed off. A few minutes later, I phoned information and got the number for your enquiry line. That was, of course, closed. At 6.21pm (I looked at the phone to check the time) a bus drove by, on it’s way up to Apple to pick up people and turn back towards town. By this time, I had been waiting for 50 minutes, and was getting irate, to say the least. I mean, it’s not the first time you fuckheads have decided to simply not show up when your own timetables clearly say you should, and this experience brought back the memory of Halloween earlier this year when no buses would come up to Knocknaheeney due to “antisocial behaviour” (I never did find out whether it was the bus drivers that were antisocial or if it was the little inbred local shitheads pelting the bus with rocks and eggs again. Doesn’t really matter that much to me). Of course, this led to us having to phone taxis to get home from work. When no taxis were to be had, it meant we had to walk. Through Knocknaheeney. During Halloween. With local little piss-ants about, throwing eggs at passers-by. Thus I reminisced whilst waiting for your non-existent service (can you believe that by this time I had actually reached the state where I *wanted* to get on your dirty, shitty, dodgy, smelling buses? See how bad this was?). But hey, no bother, I had just seen the bus pass by on it’s way up to Apple, right? Soon I’d be on it on my way downtown, right? Wrong.
See, after 50 minutes of folks waiting for your scapheap of a bus, the Apple bus stop was quite packed with people. So when the bus had filled up, and was coming down again, the only reward I got for trying to wave it in was a nice big splash of rain water coming from the pool by the road, into which the over-loaded bus sped on it’s way past me and down towards Cork city centre. Nice one.
I waited another ten minutes or so, and then I started walking. In the rain and gale, if you don’t mind me reminding you. It took 35 minutes to reach Coburg street, where I had agreed to meet a friend for a drink. By the time I had the pint in my hand and turned away from the bar to go to our table, I checked my phone for the time. 7.02pm. That means that it took me one and a half hour to get from Knocknaheeney to Coburg street, and it’s *your* fault. So what the fuck are you bitches are you going to do about it? Let me tell you what I want:
1. I want a written apology. Signed by a real person. A supervisor.
2. I want an explanation to why this happened.
3. I want you to put to rest my fear that, since this was certainly not the first time you idiots don’t do your jobs, this won’t the last time I have to spend 90 minutes in the rain.
4. I want a bus pass for the rest of the year, as compensation. So I at least don’t have to suffer the to injury added insult of having to actually pay you cretins for a job you don’t do.
Your service has been appalling for the last three years, which is the period of time I have spent having the regular unpleasant experience of trying to avail myself of your “service”. Your buses are invariably dirty, smelling, filled with graffiti. Your drivers are frequently late, when they bother showing up at all. Your timetables are fantastic fables with no basis in reality. I don’t know if you’re actually the incompetent tossers you seem to be, or if you’re *trying* to fuck people over. I don’t know if this is due to budget restraints, or due to malice on your part. It doesn’t really matter. You suck. Plain and simple. So fucking sort it out, will you? Or at least move your fat arses on to a job more suitable to your dubious talents (the first job that springs to my mind would be donating your sorry selves to research).
Pricks.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Jakob Ronander
This letter, suprisingly, did not produce the answer I was looking for. Tomorrow, I will post the continuation of the story. Stay tuned.
categorised as » Current Affairs
ShortURL for linking: http://lime.rahina.info/?p=151
5 Comments currently posted.
Topias says:
The Corner Blog » Warfare part II - the campaign continues says:
[...] Now, if anybody read the last post, you know that I’ve been having a wee fight with Bus Eireann after having had a particularly bad experience another day. After having received a reply – of sorts – from a mr. O’Shea, I decided it was time to continue with a letter that was somewhat more moderate in tone of voice. [...]
andakmaye says:
Are you sure this was Bus Eireann and not the appalling Citibus of East Anglia,UK? I’m asking, because I’ve once sent a an eerily similar letter to them, in eerily similar circumstances. I suppose there’s a new set of operational guidelines for all bus companies we were not aware of…
Seb says:
This letter surely displays some advanced eloquency here and there, but all in all, it seems to be a text book example of a catharsis abreaction. To me, the essence of the art of complaining is to align style with purpose, to a degree where it is close to impossible for the addressee not to acknowledge your point.
I very much consider your follow-up letter over this initial approach, while maintaining that an elegantly executed complaint would have made the second letter superfluous to begin with. It shall be interesting to see how far this will get you, however I believe that any degree of remedy will be achieved not because, but rather in spite of your complaint… Keep us posted!
Jakob says:
Well, I can report that I did indeed get an answer, albeit only one of those standardised ones saying that “our aim is to provide the best service possible”, that “there are occasions, especially at peak times [...] when services are operating behind our scheduled time table [...] sincerely regretted, but beyond our control” Blah di blah di blah. Bollocks, simply put.
And of course my first e-mail was a bit over the edge, I felt a strong desire to vent a little bit and figured at least it would bring to attention my severity of feeling. I didn’t really expect them to answer any points in detail (and of course, they haven’t).
After the standardised reply, I haven’t really bothered taking it any further, thinking it would be unlikely to generate anything of value. But now, I’m starting to consider it again… :). If nothing else, I would like to call them on that lie of theirs, that they try to provide a good service but are tragically hampered by a cruel world whose actions are “out of their control”. They’re trying to achieve nothing of the sort. But you know, maybe life’s just too short? I’ve pints to drink after all.
Where’s the update? :( I’m waiting!