10 August 2006
Written by Rainer
Security measures at Heathrow just getting stricter
In addition to the security measures already taken, the Heathrow officials have also banned jackets, shirts, sweaters, overcoats, etc, but especially cardigans. The only exception to the rule is that if the person is not wearing anything under the shirt (such as a tank top, sleeveless t-shirt, etc) he may wear one layer of clothing.
“You never can tell of a person wearing a cardigan. They just aren’t natural, you know. Specially when it comes to males. I mean what kind of a man wears a cardigan? That just gay” security officer John “Long-John-Silver” Doe explained. “We are also trying to find a way to ban slipovers – for good.”
The reason why most of the clothes are now forbidden is because the security officials noticed that “stuff” can be taken to aircraft cabins if dry frozen and/or pulverized. Heathrow’s specialist of cunning measures, Wile E. Coyote explains “Only thing they need is an Acme catalog and BANG!” at the precise moment of “BANG” the whole terminal jumps to the ground screaming “We all gonna die.” It took good quarter of an hour to calm down every one.
“I mean just look at the ”Instant: Just add water section””, Wile E. continues after the incident. “Just between you and me, we are actually preparing even stricter measures to prevent a breach of roadrun.. sorry where was my head, terrorists. We are going to require people not to wear any clothes – only underwear. And we are gonna change the see through plastic bags to paper bags, one can suffocate a person with a plastic bag. Never can be too cautious…”.
Wile E. Coyote, Heathrow security specialist, is about to continue when a silent “meep-meep” distracts him and off he goes to save the world from roadrun… international terrorists.