21 June 2006
Written by Jakob
All hail national stereotyping
During the World Cup (yes, I know I tend to go on about that for a bit, just sit back and endure, ok?) everything gets whipped up to this bizarre nationalist frenzy, and of course our beloved media is right at the forefront of this. I don’t mind, not at all. But some aspects of it leave me puzzled.
Most airtime and paper-space is dedicated to the teams and games themselves, of course. Wildly one-eyed reports and unrealistic speculations can only go so far to filling the airtime and media space, however, and so when there’s nothing left to speculate about (or, in England’s and Sweden’s cases, when the games are so fucking dreary that stabbing yourself in the eye with a pen appears a more enjoyable option than actually watching, nevermind writing about, the tosh), the medias have taken to doing news stories about the very consumers of the news stories. Us fans, who in a more innocent age would look to the papers to provide insights and news reports, have now turned into scoops ourselves.
Hardly a game goes by without the camera man showing fans in colourful outfits – singing, cheering, crying or just generally looking enough like half-wits to get themselves the proverbial 15 minutes. This is weird. What bothers me about it the most isn’t that the fan culture has turned into consumerism, or that lazy journalism promotes those naughty nationalist stereotypes we’ve been told we can’t endulge in. No. What I take issue with is the fans they actually dig up – have you ever seen coverage of a Swedish game this year? In every single report on the Swedish fans, there’d be pictures of nice, sweet, naturally-oh-so-fresh, orgasm-inducing-shampoo-commercial-looking blondes. The Guardian, in their story here, managed to get hold of and interview a Swedish fan in London. and who did they find? Tina Lehman, a 20-year-old masseuse. MASSEUSE.
I just don’t understand where they find these girls! I can assure you that they do not represent the average Swedish football fan, who is usually male, drunk, bare-chested and illiterate. Obviously these girls go into hiding as soon as they get word of my approaching. I’m born and raised in Sweden, and though I’ve seen a few fine specimens of the female sex, I’ve certainly never been fortunate enough to run into a 20-year-old masseuse. Let me write that again. MASSEUSE. I feel cheated, and certainly I can’t have been going to the right bars, or football matches, in my life.
Is there an agency somewhere, providing sexy female fans on request? If so, does anyone have their number? I’ve a feeling I’ll be lonesome this weekend, and a few face-painted, scantily clad sexdolls might just be the thing to sort me out.
categorised as » Fun, WTF?
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Rainer says:
Jakob says:
I know! A good-looking (well, we don’t actually know that – the picture is of some other fan) girl who knows massage and likes football…it’s just a bit too good to be true, isn’t it? I’m definitely sensing a conspiracy.
I think they’re like leprechauns, banshees or compassionate conservatives: mythical creatures.
Well in this case it’s not just the fact that Miss (I hope) Lehman is a good looking 20-year old masseuse, but she, apparently, is also interested of football.
But yeah, I’ve wondered where these YGSF-people having the same hobby as you normally hide. One of my friends had theory that they exist in paraller universe and just due flux they occasionally appear in our world -needless to say we were drunk when this theory came up-